STUART
I’ve bought a smart watch.

ARTHUR
Cool. What do you use it for?

STUART
Not much. It measures my heart rate though.

STUART (CONT’D)
It’s slightly elevated when I talk about the watch.

ARTHUR
Are you in the fat burn zone?

FREDERIQUE
I want to talk to Mark Zuckerberg

STUART
Good luck with that

FREDERIQUE
No need: I wrote an AI that learns his habits and tells me where to accidentally bump into him

STUART
Could I use that to pick up girls?

FREDERIQUE
Man, that’s a bit desperate

FREDERIQUE
I’ve finished an app but no one uses it

ARTHUR
Oh, I wish I were an unappreciated artist too

FREDERIQUE
That’s not the same thing

FREDERIQUE
(A beat.) Wait, that is the same thing!

ARTHUR
Does it feel as good as they say?

FREDERIQUE
I was up all night but it’s totally worth it: I’ve 3D printed my own tooth aligners.

STUART
Doesn’t it bother you while kissing?

FREDERIQUE
(Turns sad) No.

STUART
Sorry man, I wasn’t thinking

FREDERIQUE
It’s ok, I could have a girlfriend.

STUART
Of course you could

STUART
I need a website. Could you help me?

FREDERIQUE
Why don’t you hire an offshore development team?

STUART
They never do what I ask them to, and then run away with their first pay check.
That’s just a waste of good cortisol.

FREDERIQUE
Since we can’t pay the bills we are forced to have another flatmate

STUART
Who is a safe bet with this economy?

ARTHUR
Where will they stay?

(Blob, the autonomous car arrives.)

FREDERIQUE
Guys meet Blob, the autonomous car

STUART
Sounds like a safe job

ARTHUR
Dibs on the garage

STUART
I’m living the dream!

ARTHUR
Your dream is that underage girls are watching you do pull-ups?

STUART
It’s a fucked dream!
Then what, I’m still totally living it.