STUART
Arthur, you don’t look great. Is everything alright?
ARTHUR
Yeah… I get good grades, work is great, I’m seeing a girl…
ARTHUR (CONT’D)
But then, when things go well, I get anxious, because it all doesn’t seem to be sustainable.
Stuart
I decided to go for the deaf-mute girls for a while.
Stuart (cont’d)
I tend to click better with people who let me speak. And I need a new workout for my hands.
Fred
Was I asking?
STUART
I need someone to fake-fight with, to impress a hot chick.
Are you in?
FRED
I don’t see how this would work. What if you try being romantic instead?
STUART
I see what you are doing. But there is no way I read Eat, Pray, Love again.
FRED
I just like to see you cry.
STUART
I have solved the general quintic equation under the shower.
ARTHUR
Me too, using only Fermat numbers.
FRED
And I regret having a chaos sandwich for breakfast.
STUART
I came to work straight from a party.
ARTHUR
It’s going to be a productive day then.
STUART
Well, I’m still unsure what we do here. What if we really are working for the evil?
ARTHUR
So your lousy work would be a good thing?
STUART
Being passive at work is my way to save the world.
STUART
Fred, you shouldn’t take your work to the beach.
FRED
I know, I was afraid too that my laptop gets wet or we won’t look cool enough.
FRED (CONT’D)
(He puts two cocktail umbrellas on his laptop.)
Fortunately cocktail umbrellas are good solution for both.
STUART
I’ll be in the water.
Just shout when they start beating you up.
ARTHUR
Stuart says he won’t come home from the beach until he picks up a chick.
FRED
That will take long. We could rent his room out for the weekend.
STUART
(Arrives in a hurry.)
Guys, can I borrow some duct tape and the battery charger?
ARTHUR
(To Frederique.)
Maybe put the room on airbnb with an open end.
This sounds much like kidnapping.
ARTHUR
Oh no, it’s Monday again.
STUART
(His head pops up from under the desk.)
Yeah, looks like Friday’s team building wasn’t all that bad.
ARTHUR
You really need to keep a lower profile on office parties.
STUART
You are talking? I do even have clothes on.
ALIEN
In the improbable case we hire you, we will want you to have a haircut.
STUART
That’s impossible. All my superpowers are in my hair.
ALIEN
Superpowers?!
STUART
They say I’m unstoppable.
ALIEN
We very much like that.
You are in.
STUART
I’ll call you daddy.